Archive for the ‘School/Uni’ Category

Exam Report: National Politics

November 14, 2008

If there’s one thing I’ve taken away from this subject, it’s section 92 of the Constitution: “intercourse between the states shall be absolutely free”. Hear, hear.

Exam Duration: 2 hours.

Exam Format: a short answer section, an essay (either comparing the US and Australian political systems or the need for reform in the Australian system), and another essay (either on domestic or foreign policy).

Weight of Revision Notes: 575 grams (20.28 ounces), consisting of 108 pages.

Exam Fun Level: 3

Victim’s Comments: I’m what you’d call a subject refugee when it comes to NatPols. Last year, I wanted to do Renaissance History, which dear Mr Delany neglected to offer, then I chose Classics, at which point dear Mr Delany regretted to inform me didn’t have enough students to run, then I was going to do Australian History in a last ditch effort to find a subject that I could actually do well in, but that clashed with Chinese. The only reason I thought I might possibly be able to cope with NatPols was because Mum was teaching it at another school when I put in my subject preferences. Then Mum stopped teaching it because dear Mr Delany decided to treechange up to Gippsland and she wound up with his job (when I say “wound up with” I actually mean “completed a rigorous interview process”, of course). And I’ve just found out that next year Mum is offering Classics — not that I’m bitter and twisted.

I actually enjoyed studying National Politics. Occasionally. Very occasionally. But mostly I just felt sorry for myself and spent hours defacing photos of politicians in OpEd pieces. But the teacher was good, the class was good, the exam was less good but not a total loss, dear Mr Delany is now roaming the Gippsland Mountains in his paisley shirt, and Mum, the Human ATM, is that much closer to me for frequent polymer withdrawals. Don’t you love happy endings?

Exam Report: Art History

November 12, 2008

Before I begin I just want to point out how incredibly sexy Caravaggio’s John the Baptist is:

Egregiously voluminous robes. Emo glare. Excellent stuff.

Unfortunately, my ‘Modern Art: Politics of the New’ course did not contain this image. Probably because it’s, like, three hundred years too old to be considered “modern”. Their loss.

Actually, that’s about all I have to say.

Update: OK, OK. Back by popular demand:

Weight of Revision Notes: I’d be able to tell you had I not burnt them in a paroxysm of glee, dancing around the miniature bonfire and chanting: “Gauuuguin…Picaaaaasso…Maaaaaaanet…Sherrie L-leviiiine!” (Who were all on the exam).

Exam Fun Level: a measly 3.5

Happy now? (Except for you, Oskar, though I can tell you that the ashes weighed about two parsecs).

Exam Report: Literature

November 6, 2008

Also known as how much profundity can you pack into two neatly paragraphed essays on Sense and Sensibility and Hedda Gabler in two hours and fifteen minutes?

Exam Duration: forgotten already?

Exam Format: two essays. Probably some capital letters and full stops in there would’ve been helpful too.

Weight of Revision Notes: 225 grams (7.9 ounces) consisting of 25 pages.

Exam Fun Level: 5

Victim’s Comment: I still can’t dissociate Colonel Brandon from Alan Rickman, but he didn’t turn up in my essay so the examiners will never know, mwaha.

Exam Report: English Language

November 5, 2008

Also known to you lay people as “Linguistics”. But I still don’t know what a participle is.

Exam Duration: 2 hours (and 15 minutes reading time) in NHS’ mouldering hall, not that I don’t love its moulderingness and all.

Exam Format: one section of written text analysis (some guy reminiscing about how hot Queensland was (is)), another section of spoken text analysis (Kate Cebrano goes all genealogical on us), and one essay.

Weight of Revision Notes: 275 grams (9.7 ounces), consisting of 58 pages

Exam Fun Level: 5.5/10

Victim’s Comments: As Mum said, I’ve [contraction] finally been “blooded” [colloquialism] (because I seriously [adverb] don’t count the Mandarin Oral as an exam… [ellipsis] it [anaphoric reference] was more a divergence from my [possessive pronoun] normal state of lying in bed contemplating [transitive verb] getting up) [parenthesis]. Even though my brain’s now [temporal deixis] fried [semantic patterning: metaphor], I feel relieved — though actually I’m not allowed to feel relieved because my Lit [truncation] exam is tomorrow. Study study study [lexical cohesion: repetition]!

Parting exam quibbles: I swear substitution isn’t in the English Language study design! Grrrrrrr.

Oh, and while I was in linguistic purgatory, there’s a new (or should I say “elect”, Mr Gilby) leader of the Free Word. Goody.

Exactly

November 4, 2008

Crunchies

November 1, 2008

Not so long ago I was in the unenviable position of sitting next to a Year 9 boy at a party. Naturally I was repulsed at the proximity between myself and this exemplar of that vile, limicolous, school-bound species between the ages of 14 and 16, and no sooner had the table conversation turned to impending YEAR 12 EXAMS (emphasis added) than all my existing prejudices against their ilk were vindicated. The conversation went thus:

Me to similarly embattled Mandarin-studying Year 12: “Studying for the oral was such a drainer, and then nothing happened.”

Similarly embattled Mandarin-studying Year 12: [noises of agreement]

Me: “And it doesn’t matter how much I practice essay writing for the written exam, I know I’m going to forget to indent my paragraphs and loose all the marks for formatting…let alone grammar!”

Sudden interjection by vile Year 9 boy: “Year 9 exams are the worst. We had to write for an hour and a half!

[General shock at his pronouncement]

Me: “…You’re kidding! Year 9 exams are nothing!” 

Needlessly self-pitying Year 9: “No they’re not. We had to remember two terms of work.”

Me: “Yeah, and we have to remember years of work with 50% of our VCE mark resting on two and sometimes three hour exams! Are Year 9s still studying The Outsiders?”

Year 9: “Yeah…”

My pièce de résistance: “Don’t ever come up to me and complain about studying S.E. Hinton like it’s Literature!”

Year 9: “…”

A few years ago the VCEs at Northcote High had started to call the junior students “crunchies”. While I had never understood the reasoning behind the term before (what with the cereal connotations), it was at that moment, when I wanted to pulverise this Year 9 Boy for his ill-informed lament into a crunchy mush beneath my floral gumboots, that I finally understood.

Although probably an overreaction caused by a chemical imbalance somewhere in my modal auxiliary-crammed brain, the fact that the walls of my bathroom have turned into a canvas for the countless grammar charts, snippets of the Constitution and the 38 Art History slides I have to remember for next week is a constant reminder to feel extra sorry for myself. Also the fact that I watched Terminator 2 until late last night is a fair indication that those Hedda Gabler quotes have evicted any remaining sense I had left over from last year. Not that I felt too guilty about watching it. I liked the guns.

See you on the other side of November.